Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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