hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My vagina is very pro this idea
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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