I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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