thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
