don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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