The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
