i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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