i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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