found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
