drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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