am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
