Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
