That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
