Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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