I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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