Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Swine flu is the new snow day.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
