So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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