There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
