We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
