Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's Friday. Sex?
one might say we're banned from that church
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
