I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
