I wish I could teleport
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
