I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
