I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
