Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I would fuck him just for his dog
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
