Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
