I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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