i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
