How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
