You just made me feel so damn special
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
