I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
