The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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