I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Terrible idea I love it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
