Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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