dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
