I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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