i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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