I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
