you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
