And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
