1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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