my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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