I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
