So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Buhtt sex?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
