I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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