they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
