just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My life is pants optional.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
