allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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