she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
