I am full of burrito and curiosity
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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