You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
