That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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