I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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